Let’s talk about healthy living.

fitness, weight watchers

Sorry for the hiatus, life has been busy and I haven’t had anything I’ve really wanted to write about lately until now. I was scrolling through insta-stories and someone I follow was talking about having a healthy relationship with food/our body. For example not thinking someone is a “good” person because they eat vegetables or thinking someone is a “bad” person because they have dessert. It made me think about the relationship I’ve had with food over the years and more importantly the relationship I am working having with food and my body right now.

I’ll be honest, for the last 2 years or so I haven’t loved seeing myself in pictures. In the last few months I’ve mostly stopped taking selfies, or at least posed ones to post to instagram and anything I have posted has been a close up of my face at an angle so as to hide all of the things I hate about my body. I’ve constantly been the one who is trying to be behind the camera instead of in front. If you knew me growing up you know that’s the exact opposite of how I used to be. It’s because I’ve started coming to terms with just how much weight I’ve gained over the last 5 years. It sounds like a long time, but that’s just the last time I remember really weighing myself and remembering the number. 135 pounds, and I thought I was so huge then. Today I’m 181 pounds, but even that is better than what I was standing at 2 months ago. For a long time I knew I was packing on pounds but I had myself convinced that if I didn’t see the number on the scale it wasn’t true or something. The only time I was stepping on a scale for the majority of the last 5 years was when I was going to the doctor’s office and even then I wasn’t looking at the number.

It’s been a struggle. My body doesn’t feel good, it doesn’t even feel like my body anymore. It became a shell that I hated. It didn’t fit the image I had of myself in my head. For a long time I couldn’t believe that this is what I look like now. I wasn’t doing anything to change it whatsoever though and that was a big problem. I didn’t want to admit I had gained so much weight or that I had stretch marks on my body and it wasn’t because I had a baby. It was because I was eating unhealthy foods, I was binge drinking followed by binge eating and not working out or attempting to care about my body. I can’t even begin to tell you the amount of times I thought “if only I could have an EATING DISORDER this would be so much easier.” I’m literally ashamed that I ever thought that knowing how awful eating disorders are but it certainly speaks volumes to the way I was thinking about myself and my body and where I was at mental health wise. At the start of 2018 I told myself I was going to change things around – in a healthy way.

Initially in March I attempted a keto diet. I wanted to die. Food is something I love, keto restricted me to the point that one night after a hard day of work I literally cried because I wanted to eat ice cream and knew I couldn’t because of the diet (I ended up eating it anyway and binging which was even worse for me overall). I hated life and was not a very pleasant person to deal with… The same time I was doing this two of my sisters started doing Weight Watchers together. They started having really good success and more importantly they were happy and sane. So I decided after a failed attempt at Keto I was going to try too.

I started Weight Watchers at the end of May. Not only have I not had to completley give up foods I haven’t turned into a monster who is constantly hangry like I have been on every other diet I’ve ever tried in my life. I started the program at 189 pounds, and for the first month somewhat loosely tracked things. I still wasn’t fully committing but I didn’t give up. In the last month now I’ve been more mindful about it, more committed to tracking my food and following the program and it’s when I’ve been doing this that I have seen the most progress on the scale.

I’ve been pushing myself to get better every day. It makes it easier now that my boyfriend is doing the same thing as me – trying to get healthier. It was insanely hard when I was alone in this goal because I could have the best day in the world and then come home to junk and candy in the pantry or to him asking if I wanted to get takeout. I’m not always the strongest person when it comes to turning down food (I’ve been working on it) so it constantly took away any progress I was making. Now that we are striving for the same goal together it’s been so much easier to stay on track.

Along with slowly learning to eat healthy and fuel my body with things that are good for me and not only taste good with no nutritional value to me (hello chips and cookies) I’ve also really started trying to workout and sweat a little at least a few times a week. I’ve fluctuated on how often I’ve met my gym goal but I recently met with a trainer who I plan to start seeing a few times a week. It made me more excited about working out than I have ever been. Working out with a trainer made me push myself harder than ever – I had someone standing next to me cheering me on and not letting me give up. If I had a personal cheerleader for every task I did in life I think I would be getting a lot more done all the time 😉

I’m not writing this just to blabber on about how I’m a healthy person now. Because if you actually read any of that you know I’m not, the point I’m trying to make is that I’m working on it. I follow a lot of people who talk about things like this after they meet their goal and I have the same thoughts every time “wow, they look so good. I don’t think I’m ever going to look that good.” It’s a me thing for sure, but I just don’t always find inspiration in the after. I want to see the during, I want to feel like someone else is at the same place I am. I want to know that someone else is having really awesome days on their fitness journeys as well as days where they slip up and cheat on their plan but accept it because really, it’s not the end of the world and it’s ok!! Earlier I said that I’ve stopped taking pictures of myself. Today when I was getting ready I took a picture of myself that for once I didn’t immediately pick apart and delete. I actually kind of like it.

Processed with VSCO with a5 preset  You can definitely see that I have a little bit of a double chin. But guess what? It’s a smaller double chin than I had a few weeks ago. I didn’t take this photo straight on because I think when I take pictures like that it makes my neck look fat. I also covered my arms, that’s because my upper arms are one of my most insecure areas. I gained so much weight that I now have stretch marks on.my.arms. Who the hell has stretch marks on their arms? Like right by my arm pits. The day I saw those was the day that things really changed for me, if I’m being honest. Over all right now, today, I’m happy and I’m content with where I’m at and more importantly where I’m going on this journey. Every day that I put effort into getting healthy is another day that I can be proud of myself. Another day that I’m not sitting on my couch or in my bed scrolling through social media thinking about how badly I want to be anorexic. I’m in the best mental state I’ve been in years, and that’s something I’m proud of. So to anyone who hasn’t started yet, or who’s in the process of change and feeling discouraged: I’m here with you, I hear you, and I love you! Keep working hard and that hard work is going to pay off.

That’s all from me for now. I’ll try to not go silent for a month and a half again, but no promises 🙂

xoxo,

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How I stay organized.

about me, BuJo, bullet journal, personal

Life is busy and over the years (literally since middle school or so) I have always just lived by writing things down. I started by making notes on my hand, reminders of homework or a friends phone number, then gradually started opting for scratch pieces of paper and then dedicating whole notebooks for my list making needs. In more recent years I’ve started trying to do more than make lists and start planning things out in my life. Enter: planners. Since the start of me using planners I’ve never found one I love. I have found one or two things I love about several different planners but couldn’t figure out how to get the perfect planner that met all of my needs. This past Christmas my brother gave me a notebook. The pages were filled with little dots instead of lines and I had no clue why or what I was supposed to do with this book until my brother had asked if I got the bullet journal he got me. I immediately googled what a bullet journal was and thus I had finally found a planner that met all of my needs.

If you have no idea what a bullet journal is, a simple explanation is a book with pages filled with dots (or it can be lined, or the pages can be completely blank) that you use to stay organized. Staying organized has a completely different meaning to everyone. For me it’s my planner. In the first pages I have an overview of the entire year, each month is mapped out and I’ve gone through adding symbols that stand for different things – which I have defined in a key at the first of my journal. After that I have pages full of lists- books I want to read, movies I want to see, habits I want to focus on. Then the pages I do with every new month: my monthly spread. Part of what I have so enjoyed about my BuJo is the ways I’m able to be creative and the fact that each month I can try new set ups to figure out what I like the absolute best. It’s a fun way to flex my creative muscles while actively trying to organize my life.

And now, I’m going to walk you through my spread for the month of May. I was heavily influenced in my theme by Amanda Rach Lee on youtube, if you would like a tutorial of how to draw the florals I did check our her video here!

First things first, the title page. This essentially just separates the new month from the old month. It also introduces the theme that I plan to use on the pages that follow.

The first thing I do is get all my tools, my journal, the markers I’m currently liking most and my computer for inspiration as I go and for music because while I enjoy doing these spreads the monthly always takes the most time for me. I start by using a pencil first and sketching things out so I know they are where I want them before I put it all down with pen and potentially ruin the page. After I have it sketched out to where I like it I got to town with my pens and markers creating the title page.

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Here is the finished title page! I felt like the page next to it was looking plain, and I recently read this quote and really loved it. Although you can see where I messed up on the border for the quote I still really like how this turned out!

Here’s the part where straight lines and precision are needed. Which I’m not great at, but I’m getting better! If you look closely you can see that I ditched the pencil early instead of fully mapping out my calendar and somehow ended with an extra week for the month… I was frustrated but figured out a way to fix it.. peep the finished product below —>

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As you can see I continued the theme and added another quote. Mainly to not have the purple floral take over toooo much of the page. Also, I just like quotes so I added a quote! Next are some of my favorite pages to do. Mainly because I love goal setting and tracking things. Every month I select a few habits I want to work on and write them down, I put them on a page as shown and then I put a tracker to see my progress on each of my weekly spreads. I also am working really hard this year to track my spending and see where all my money goes in the hopes of saving more money. I’m not sure it’s working how I would like but I’m not giving up!

After I have all of the ‘monthly’ stuff set up, then I do a weekly spread. This spread is meant to track daily activities or tasks I need to do in that given week and also has a tracker to help me keep myself accountable for the habits I am trying to work on.

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Staying organized and planning things out is important in my life because I’ve found I am very willing to be lazy and do nothing if I allow it. Having a planner I actually like using has helped in so many ways with my productivity.  Hope you enjoyed reading this post! If not, let me know! This blog is still a work in progress with the things I want to share and I am always open to new ideas on posts for the future!

xoxo-

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tools used: my journaltombow pastel markers setmy favorite sharpie pen.

Let’s talk makeup.

about me, makeup, rihanna, sephora

I love makeup tutorials on YouTube, I follow makeup bloggers on Instagram and I find serious joy in reading makeup reviews on Sephora. However, I constantly feel like I’m not that good at makeup.

It’s something that used to make me feel like it was only something I could enjoy from afar. Then I went through a phase where I thought if I watched enough videos and invested in good makeup it would all work out. I know how to get a bomb ass look- when I have 45 minutes to dedicate to doing only make up. But let’s be serious… WHO WANTS TO DO THAT?! Sometimes I do want to do that, however it isn’t something that is ideal for me on a day to day basis.

I’ve spent probably an embarrassing amount of time thinking about what my ideal daily makeup routine should be. My main goal being feeling pretty. It’s so crazy that on any given day I can brush on some brow gel, swipe on some mascara and instantly feel like I look a million times better. But I felt like something was missing to completely this look. I don’t love foundation and doing all that stuff every day, but I do really love lipstick. And that’s when I finally had the perfect routine in my head: a fresh clean face, brows gelled, a good mascara and a bold (or maybe not) lip.

Today was my first day testing it out. And let me tell ya, Rihanna’s fenty beauty lip paint in stunna not only held up to its name by making me feel as such but IS SO STUNNING.

And here is the part where I tell you that I wrote all of this just to say: makeup (and most things in life) doesn’t have to be over thought. It can be as simple as doing whatever makes you smile and makes you happy because that’s what will matter when you look back in a year or so anyway. And Jessica at Sephora who told you that she thinks it’s weird when people wear bold eyes or lips without the rest of their face done up doesn’t matter because that’s just her opinion and shouldn’t affect what you wanna do with your face!!

If you made it this far, thanks for reading!! I’m still trying to figure out what exactly I want to write here. 🙂

Xoxo-

Hey there!

about me, personal

I’m Brooke, as I’m sure you have guessed. I’m a 20-something year old based in Austin, TX. This blog is about all things that involve being me! I know what you’re thinking, “ugh another white girl with a blog!?” and that’s totally okay! This blog is for me and anyone else who isn’t quite over the whole blogging thing. 😉 Blogging is one of my favorite forms of being creative and helps me unlock alllll the ideas I could ever want.

In this blog I plan to share and focus on the things I love most! Some of those things being: my city, my dog, cooking/eating good food, weight-loss/getting back into the gym and working on my fitness (queue Fergalicious), and probably at some point in the future my artwork/calligraphy/doodles.

I’m really excited for all of the possibilities this new chapter can present to me and I’m so glad to have you here! Thanks for stopping by and I hope you come again soon!

 

xoxo – bB.